He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
