You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
