NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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