so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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