yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
