i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
