i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
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well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
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When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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