he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
