Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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