ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
