Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
