Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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