why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
