just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
