I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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