I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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