Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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