I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
worst night to have a conscience
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
