Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I will pee on everything he values.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
