I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
