shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize