Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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