he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Houston, we have a blender
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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