apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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