At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
