i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
