Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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