You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
