Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
