Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
