These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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