I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Sorry my hands just texted you
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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