I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
