Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
