STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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