I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
