just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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