I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
