the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
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That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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