90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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