i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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