so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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