ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
