I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
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im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
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I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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