You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
