why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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