last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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