I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
