apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
