You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
