been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
