Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
