why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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