sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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