I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I would ride that face into the sunset
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
