I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
