weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
