He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
