I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
