if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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