In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
