Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
dude. I can hear the air.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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