i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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