Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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