He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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