i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
