I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
