Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
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Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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