New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
