I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
