1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
