were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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