You just made me feel so damn special
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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